SAYING I’M SORRY

15 IYAR 5771       

Adapted From: Chofetz Chaim A Daily Companion
(p. 92-93)

Rabbi Yehudah Zev Segal זצ"ל

Repairing the Damage

…. If one spoke lashon hara but his listeners did not believe what was said, then it remains between man and God. Teshuva requires that a person regret his sin, confess it to God, and accept never to do it again. All three steps are necessary for teshuva to be complete. 

If, on the other hand, the lashon hara was accepted as fact and it resulted in harm, then more is required. In addition to the 3 steps of teshuva, one would also have to approach the victim and ask forgiveness for speaking lashon hara about him/her and causing harm…

If by telling a person that you spoke lashon hara about him/her, you will cause additional pain, then you must exercise judgment as to whether it is better not to inform the person.

One must do all that he or she can to to correct any damage that was done.

Let’s understand the text

• WHAT ARE THE THREE STEPS OF TESHUVA?
• WHEN DOING TESHUVA, WHAT ARE YOU REQUIRED TO DO IF THE PEOPLE DIDN’T BELIEVE THE LASHON HARA?
• WHEN DOING TESHUVA, WHAT ARE YOU REQUIRED TO DO IF THE PEOPLE DID BELIEVE THE LASHON HARA?

Example

Sam and Jim are close friends, and a classmate of theirs, Michael, always wants to be included in their friendship. He constantly pushes his way into private discussions and play times, and Sam and Jim want Michael to stop annoying them. At night, Sam and Jim constantly speak about how Michael is annoying, and tell other classmates to avoid Michael so that he doesn’t annoy them.

Sam has an awakening after learning about Shmirat HaLashon in school, and realizes that it does not help the situation to keep talking negatively about Michael. What should Sam do?

Discuss

Think about and discuss practical ways for Sam to correct the damage that was done by speaking lashon hara about Michael.

Which of the following actions should Sam do or not do, and why?

1. Sam should recognize and admit to himself that he did something wrong.
2. He should try hard to stop all the negative talk about Michael.
3. Sam should tell Michael that he spoke lashon hara about him and discuss why he is sorry. He tells Michael a general summary of the negative things he said about him.
4. Sam should not tell Michael, but just try to work with Michael to help him be less annoying.
5. Tell Jim and other classmates that he doesn’t want to speak badly about Michael any more.
6. Encourage others to stop speaking negatively about Michael.
7. Sam should ask a parent or teacher for advice about what do.
8. Add your own.