1 IYAR, 5771
פרקי אבות: פרק א, משנה ו
יהושוע בן פרחיה וניתאי הארבלי קיבלו מהם. יהושוע בן פרחיה אומר, עשה לך רב, וקנה לך חבר; והוי דן את כל האדם לכף זכות
Yehoshua son of Perachia and Nittai of Arbel received the transmission from them [the rabbis of Mishna 4]. Yehoshua ben Perachia said, make for yourself a rabbi, acquire for yourself a friend, and judge every person favorably.
Let’s understand the text
- What does the phrase דן לכף mean?
- When have you felt misjudged by another person?
- When have you misjudged a person or situation, and how did you feel when you discovered what really happened?
- How does giving someone the benefit of the doubt relate to being careful with our words?
- How could you give the benefit of the doubt in this situation?
Maybe my friend did not smile at me when she saw me, because...
Look at the following picture. What do you see?
It all depends on your perspective.
Think about it: How does looking at this picture help you better understand דן לכף זכות?
Read the following story, and let the students guess the ending. Let them try to be דן לכף זכות:
Reproduced from The Other Side of the Story with special permission from Artscroll Mesorah.
I work as a secretary in a small office. Over the years, I have been given an increasing amount of responsibility and I know my boss, Mr. Green, counts on me. So, when he gave me a project with a two-week deadline, I gave it my best. On Tuesday, the day before the deadline, my boss left early. I was sitting at my desk, working feverishly to finish, not even stopping for a cup of coffee, when I realized that I needed to clarify a major point before I could continue. Although I don’t like to bother Mr. Green at home, this was one of the occasions when I know he would want me to pick up the phone. I dialed and Mr. Green answered.
“I’m trying to finish this up, but I ran into a problem. Do you have a minute?”
“No, I really don’t.”
“Mr. Green- you know they’re coming for this tomorrow. I just need a few minutes of your time.
He hardly responded. As a matter of fact, he didn’t even seem to be listening. I tried again."
“Mr. Green,” I continued, “Without your input, I’m not sure I’ll be able to work through some of this information. It’ll just take a few minutes.”
“Sorry,” I heard him say. “I can’t.”
Hey, I thought, this is for you, remember?
“Try to figure it out,” he said. And the next second he was no longer on the line.
I did the best I could and went home fuming!
The Ending:
The next morning, still annoyed, I left for work. I had plenty to say to my boss when I got there.
As I approached the office, I heard a lot of noise. When I opened the door, there seemed to be some kind of a celebration. The secretaries were all sitting around, cakes and drinks on the table, and on the wall there was a big sign: Mazel Tov! It took another minute for me to find out that my boss, Mr. Green, had just become a father. The night before, his wife had given birth to a baby boy!
