SAYING I’M SORRY

15 IYAR 5771       

Adapted From: Chofetz Chaim A Daily Companion
(p. 92-93)

Rabbi Yehudah Zev Segal זצ"ל

Repairing the Damage

…. If one spoke lashon hara but his listeners did not believe what was said, then it remains between man and God. Teshuva requires that a person regret his sin, confess it to God, and accept never to do it again. All three steps are necessary for teshuva to be complete. 

If, on the other hand, the lashon hara was accepted as fact and it resulted in harm, then more is required. In addition to the 3 steps of teshuva, one would also have to approach the victim and ask forgiveness for speaking lashon hara about him/her and causing harm…

If by telling a person that you spoke lashon hara about him/her, you will cause additional pain, then you must exercise judgment as to whether it is better not to inform the person.

One must do all that he or she can to to correct any damage that was done.

Let’s understand the text

• WHAT ARE THE THREE STEPS OF TESHUVA?
• WHEN DOING TESHUVA, WHAT ARE YOU REQUIRED TO DO IF THE PEOPLE DIDN’T BELIEVE THE LASHON HARA?
• WHEN DOING TESHUVA, WHAT ARE YOU REQUIRED TO DO IF THE PEOPLE DID BELIEVE THE LASHON HARA?

Example

Sam and Jim are close friends, and a classmate of theirs, Michael, always wants to be included in their friendship. He constantly pushes his way into private discussions and play times, and Sam and Jim want Michael to stop annoying them. At night, Sam and Jim constantly speak about how Michael is annoying, and tell other classmates to avoid Michael so that he doesn’t annoy them.

Sam has an awakening after learning about Shmirat HaLashon in school, and realizes that it does not help the situation to keep talking negatively about Michael. What should Sam do?

Discuss

Think about and discuss practical ways for Sam to correct the damage that was done by speaking lashon hara about Michael.

Which of the following actions should Sam do or not do, and why?

1. Sam should recognize and admit to himself that he did something wrong.
2. He should try hard to stop all the negative talk about Michael.
3. Sam should tell Michael that he spoke lashon hara about him and discuss why he is sorry. He tells Michael a general summary of the negative things he said about him.
4. Sam should not tell Michael, but just try to work with Michael to help him be less annoying.
5. Tell Jim and other classmates that he doesn’t want to speak badly about Michael any more.
6. Encourage others to stop speaking negatively about Michael.
7. Sam should ask a parent or teacher for advice about what do.
8. Add your own.

HURTFUL WORDS

14 IYAR 5771

Jewish Values 

By Rabbi Yehonasan Geffen 

HURTFUL WORDS
In the past weeks we have discussed various commandments that are related to speech, such as lashon hara. Another, less well-known command relating to speech is the prohibition of ‘hurtful words’, (Ona’at Devarim in Hebrew).There is a well-known saying that, “sticks and stones might break my bones but words can never hurt me.” This is not the Torah approach; speech is a very powerful tool that can be used to cause great good or great harm. In a certain way, harmful speech can actually do more damage than causing physical pain because speech can penetrate deep into a person’s inner being. Anyone involved in a long relationship can testify that a few harsh words can be remembered for several years.

There are a number of different forms of Ona’at Devarim. The most obvious is speaking harshly to a person. It is forbidden to speak in such a way that will cause emotional damage to a person. Thus, raising one’s voice, or shouting are forms of speech that are almost always prohibited…

There are times where we may feel it necessary to offer constructive criticism to someone. In order for such criticism to have any chance of its success working it must be said over in a gentle and humble way. People are generally very sensitive to any criticism but if it is done in as unthreatening way then the person is far more likely to accept it. However, when a person feels he is being verbally attacked he will be placed on the defensive and will not accept what he is being told… 

Gefen, Rabbi Yehonasan. "Jewish Values: Hurtful Words." Torah.org. Project Genesis, 2008. Web. 18 May 2011.

Let's Understand the Text

• What is Ona’at Devarim? 
• What are examples of what it means to speak to someone in a hurtful way? 
• If you need to tell someone a criticisim how should you do it?

Class Activity

Those Tear-Me-Apart, Put-Me-Back-Together,

Never-Be-the Same-Again Blues

By Gary Hopkins

Material Needed: One piece of construction paper (brightly-colored paper is best)

Before the lesson: Using craft or construction paper, trace and cut out an outline of a person. To avoid gender- or race-specific figures, you might want to cut the figure from green or blue paper.

Lesson: Gather students in a group and introduce them to their new "classmate. (You might give the figure a name such as Greenie or Bluey to avoid any association with a real person.) Explain that new students often have difficulty fitting in because they are entering a situation where groups of students have already formed bonds of friendship. Point out that some people will automatically put up barriers to a new student, deciding quickly -- without even trying to get to know him or her -- that they dislike the new student.

Ask students to imagine that Greenie (for example) has just come into a classroom where bonds already have formed; the atmosphere is very unwelcoming. Invite students, one at a time, to say something mean to Greenie. They will have to use their imaginations, because Greenie has no specific features they can pick on. The teacher might even start the ball rolling by saying something like "We dont want you here, Greenie, or "We dont like people who are different from us, or "Your hair is a mess, Greenie. Each time a mean thing is said to Greenie, the teacher rips off a piece of Greenie's body and hands it to the person who made the comment.

When ripping, rip large chunks; it will need to be obvious to students where each chunk fits into the whole if they are to piece Greenie back together.

After everyone has had a chance to say something mean to Greenie, its time to start taping Greenie back together. Invite each student who said something mean about Greenie to come up and use tape to reattach his/her piece of Greenie in its proper place. As each piece is reconnected, the student must apologize to Greenie for the mean thing that was said. (You might have younger students model in advance some of the words they might say when making an apology.)

When the torn body is fully repaired -- no matter how hard the students have tried to piece him back together -- Greenie will not look the same as when students met her/him for the first time. Ask questions to lead students to the understanding that, although some of the damage has been repaired, Greenie will never be exactly the same. His feelings were hurt, and the scars remain. Chances are those scars will never go away.

Hang Greenie on a wall as a reminder of the power words have to hurt. Greenies presence will serve as constant reinforcement of a vivid lesson in kindness.

Hopkins, Gary. "Those Tear-Me-Apart, Put-Me-Back-Together, Never-Be-the-Same-Again Blues ." EducationWorld.com. N.p., 01 Oct 2003. Web. 18 May 2011.

HOW TO AVOID HEARING LASHON HARA

13 IYAR 5771

Adapted From: Chofetz Chaim A Daily Companion (p. 104-105)

Rabbi Yehudah Zev Segal זצ"ל

The Art of Listening
One of the factors which makes lashon hara such a serious sin is that it involves the interaction of two people – the speaker and the listener. It is forbidden to believe lashon hara. One who does so has transgressed a Torah prohibition (see Shemot 23:1 with Rashi). The punishment for accepting lashon hara is worse than the punishment for speaking lashon hara.

Listening to lashon hara is forbidden even if the listener does not intend to accept the information. However, there is a difference between accepting lashon hara and listening with the intention of not believing what one is about to hear…
Let’s understand the text

WHY DO YOU THINK ACCEPTING LASHON HARA IS WORSE THAN SPEAKING LASHON HARA?

When you’re talking to a friend and he/she is about to say lashon hara what should you do? 

Adapted from: We Want Life (p. 87-88)

By: Rabbi Yisroel Greenwald

1. Try to stop the Lashon Hara by changing the topic of conversation-like telling a joke. 
2. If this fails, you must avoid listening to the Lashon Hara yourself; therefore you should either leave the group or cover your ears in order to not hear what is being said. 
3. If you can’t cover your ears, then walk away. 
4. If you can’t leave, then stay and don’t believe what you hear.
5. If you can't-resolve firmly not to believe what you hear: 

a. decide in your mind not to enjoy listening to the Lashon Hara

b. avoid nodding, smiling or in any way acting as if you agree with what is being said

c. preferably act in a manner that shows that you do not approve of the Lashon Hara


Let’s understand the text

• DISCUSS THE STEPS OF THAT THE HALACHA OUTLINES FOR HOW TO AVAOID HEARING LASHON HARA?
• DISCUSS HOW YOU WOULD PRACTICALLY GO ABOUT DOING THIS

ACTIVITY
Try to come up with a code word or expression to say if Lashon Hara is being spoken, so that the group will know to stop.
For example: “Please pass the pickles.”

LASHON HARA PART III

12 IYAR 5771

Adapted From: Chofetz Chaim A Lesson A Day (p. 378)

 Rabbi Shimon Finkelman and Rabbi Yiztachak Berkowitz

Constructive Speaking and Listening

Although speaking about and hearing about others is usually Lashon Hara, in specific circumstances, to protect ourselves or others, it is not considered Lashon Hara . This includes any discussion that could help the listener protect himself from others who plan to harm him, or to protect others from damage about to be inflicted upon them. It is also permissible to listen to information that could be of help in rectifying damage already done to oneself or others. For example: If you hear that a classmate is planning on taking your ipod, you would be permitted to investigate and take precautions. At the same time, you may not take the information as fact. 

In cases such as this, the discussion is not labeled as “gossip”; rather, it is “constructive speech.”

Let's understand the text

• When is listening to information about another person not considered rechilut or lashon hara?
• When investigating a situation that poses potential harm, what must you keep in mind as a safeguard against lashon hara?
• Give some examples of when it is okay to hear information about other people.

  

Let's discuss:

• Why does the Torah allow us to speak about others in certain situations? 
• How does this halacha relate to the tragic death of Gedalya ben Achikam?  
• What are examples of questions that a person seeking a business partner would be allowed to ask (of an honest person who would answer objectively) about the prospective partner? 
• Why does the halacha require that one prefaces his/her question with an explanation of why he/she is asking for the information? 
• Is sharing a disturbing situation such as being bullied considered “constructive speech”? With whom should you share the information?

Think about and discuss these scenarios, which were talked about in the Lower School:

Which scenario below is considered lashon hara and which scenario is considered "constructive speech"? 

Scenario 1

Alex sits next to Jon at lunch. It bothers Alex that Jon chews with his mouth open. Alex speaks to his classmates about it.

Scenario 2

Someone pours water onto Sarah on the bus ride home from school.  It was not a mistake.   Sarah tells her parents what happened when she gets home.

Scenario 3

An 8th grader takes Scott’s baseball glove on the bus, returns it before his stop and tells him that he will take it again in the morning so that he won’t have it for recess. Scott tells his parents what happened when he gets home.

Students in the middle school reflected on these scenarios. Not all the scenarios are black and white - discuss them and think about how to best approach them.

1) Pam sees Jim cheating on a test. She tells...

a. Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Teacher - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. His Parent - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other

2) Sara sees that Rachel is wearing a mismatched outfit. She tells...

a. Rachel - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Rachel's Mom - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other

3) Michael thinks his teacher, Mrs. Smith gave a completely unfair test. He tells..

a. Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Mrs. Smith - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. His Parent - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other Teachers - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

e. Other

4) Sam thinks that Jan has unhealthy study habits and gets over anxious. He tells...

a. Jan - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Other Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Jan's mom - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Teacher - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

e. Other

5) Alex can't stand eating lunch with Jon. It bothers him everyday. He tells...

a. Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Jon - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Teacher - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. His Parent - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

e. Other

6) Aviva doesn't like doing group projects with David. She tells...

a. Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Teacher - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Parent - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other

7) Peter sees his co-worker, Ben, sleeping on the job. He tells...

a. Boss - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Wife - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Other Co-workers - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other

8) Rebecca sees a neighbor shoplifting. She tells...

a. The store owner - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Police - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Her Friend - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other

LASHON HARA PART II

9 IYAR 5771

Guard Your Tongue (P. 31-32)

Based on: Chofetz Chaim                By: Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

Habitual Speakers of Lashon Hara

  

Someone who only speaks Lashon Hara occasionally is guilty of a serious sin. But those who speak Lashon Hara often are guilty of an even larger sin.

People who speak Lashon Hara often become accustomed to that way of speaking about people-it become s a habit for them. For example when you first learn how to tie your shoes you think about it every time you tie them. Once it becomes a habit though, you don’t even think about tying your shoes. In the same way that speaking badly can become a habit, so to, practicing holding back from saying unkind things and practicing saying kind things can also become a habit.  

In the following story, Mr. Peabody's Apples, you will hear how Lashon Hara can truly hurt a person and ruin his reputation.  

Let’s understand the text

• Why is speaking Lashon Hara considered a serious sin?
• What lesson can we learn from “Mr. Peabody’s Apples?”

Let’s experiment

• Have a student squeeze a tube of toothpaste
• Ask the child to put all the toothpaste back into the tube.         

Let’s understand the text

• Were you able to put the toothpaste back in the tube?
• How is the toothpaste like Lashon Harah?
• What is the connection between the toothpaste and the feathers in the Mr. Peabody story?

LASHON HARA

8 IYAR 5771                                    

הלכות דעות פרק שביעי: הלכה ב

אי זהו רכיל זה שטוען דברים והולך מזה לזה ואומר כך אמר פלוני כך וכך שמעתי על פלוני אע"פ שהוא אמת הרי זה מחריב את העולם. יש עון גדול מזה עד מאד והוא בכלל לאו זה והוא לשון הרע והוא המספר בגנות חבירו אף על פי שאומר אמת. אבל האומר שקר נקרא מוציא שם רע על חבירו אבל בעל לשון הרע זה שיושב ואומר כך וכך עשה פלוני וכך וכך היו אבותיו וכך וכך שמעתי עליו ואמר דברים של גנאי על זה...

Who is a gossiper? One who collects information and [then] goes from person to person, saying: "This is what so and so said;" "This is what I heard about so and so." Even if the statements are true, they bring about the destruction of the world.

There is a much more serious sin than [gossip], which is also included in this prohibition: lashon horah, i.e., relating insulting facts about another person, even if they are true.

[Lashon horah does not refer to telling over false fact about someone;] that is called מוציא שם רע  publicize a lie about someone. Rather, one who speaks lashon horah is someone who sits and relates: "This is what so and so has done;" "His parents were such and such;" "This is what I have heard about him," telling negative things…

Let’s understand the text

• WHAT IS רכילות? WHAT IS לשון הרע?   WHAT IS מוציא שם רע?
• HOW ARE THEY ALL DIFFERENT? (GIVE AN EXAMPLE FOR EACH)
• WHY IS לשון הרע WORSE THAN רכילות?

DISCUSS:

• IS הרע לשון STILL BAD IF THE PERSON BEING SPOKEN ABOUT NEVER HEARS IT?
• HOW CAN LASHON HARA BE TRANSMITTED THROUGH FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, HINTING AND HAND MOTIONS?
• HOW HAS TECHNOLOGY SUCH AS PHONES ,TEXTING AND INTERNET MADE SHMIRAT HALASHON HARDER?

The video below was viewed by our Middle School students. If you watch this video, try to think about and discuss the message it is trying to send.

RECHILUT - GOSSIP

7 IYAR 5771

ויקרא י"ט, ט"ז
לֹא-תֵלֵךְ רָכִיל בְּעַמֶּיךָ לֹא תַעֲמֹד עַל-דַּם רֵעֶךָ  אֲנִי יְהוָה

Don’t walk around gossiping among other people. Don’t stand over your friend’s blood. I am God.

Let’s understand the text

• WHY DOES IT SAY THE WORD “WALK” IN CONNECTION TO GOSSIP?
• WHAT IS GOSSIP?

הרמב"ם, הלכות דעות פרק ז
ב  איזה הוא רכיל--זה שהוא טוען דברים והולך מזה לזה ואומר כך וכך אמר פלוני, כך וכך שמעתי על פלוני:  אף על פי שהוא אומר אמת, הרי זה מחריב את העולם

Who is a gossiper? One who collects information and [then] goes from person to person, saying: "This is what so and so said;" "This is what I heard about so and so." Even if the statements are true, they bring about the destruction of the world.

Let’s understand the text

• HOW DOES THE RAMBAM DEFINE A GOSSIPER?
• WHY IS IT EVEN BAD TO WALK AROUND SAYING THE TRUTH OF SOMEONE ELSE?
• WHY DO YOU THINK IT BRINGS ABOUT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE WORLD?

DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS

5 Iyar 5771

פרקי אבות: פרקד, משנה א

בן זומא אומר, איזה הוא חכם--הלמד מכל אדם...  איזה הוא גיבור--הכובש את יצרו...  איזה הוא עשיר--השמח בחלקו...  איזה הוא מכובד--המכבד את הברייות...

Ben Zoma said: Who is one that is wise? One who learns from every person… Who is mighty? One who conquers their impulse to evil… Who is rich? One who is happy with their portion… Who is honored? One who honors the creations, as it says...

Let's Understand the Text

• Why does the mishna say that being rich means you are happy with your portion? 
• How does this connect to not comparing yourself to Others? 
• How can comparing yourself to others lead to evil? (ie jealosuy) 
• How does comparing yourself to others connect to watching our words?

Read the following story and quote and discuss the questions below the Dr. Seuss quote.

The Bragging Dragonfly

By: Margo Fallis

Whizz! Whizz! Whizz! The blue dragonfly whizzed back and forth across the pond. "I’m the most beautiful insect in the glen," Billy said. "I’ve got gossamer wings that look like they belong on a fairy. My body is slender and sleek and I make sounds as I fly around. Ants can’t do that, neither can butterflies." He flew over a ladybug. "Hey, ladybug. Don’t you wish you were as wonderful as me?" The ladybug looked up at him and scoffed. An ant came walking out from behind a rock. "Hey, ant. Look at me! I’m beautiful. You’re an awful boring red color. Too bad you aren’t as great as me," Billy boasted. The ant looked at the dragonfly and shook its head back and forth.

This went on all day long. Billy flew near the fish in the pond. He shouted things at them. He whizzed around the flowers and bragged about himself to the bumblebees andbeetles. One morning Billy flew down to the pond. It was a quiet day. The water was calm. "Oh look! I can see myself in the pond. Don’t I look beautiful? Look at my wings. They’re especially perfect today!"

Farquahard, the fish, stuck his head out of the water and said, "Billy, you’d better stop boasting about yourself. We are all wonderful in our own way. You aren’t better than any of the rest of us."

Billy started to laugh. "Surely you can’t be serious. Just look at me and then look at yourself. You aren’t blue and beautiful. You’re purple and you have scales and you’re slimy."

"I’m a fish. That’s the way fish are!" Farquahard said. He was so angry that he slipped back under the water and disappeared.

Another dragonfly happened to be whizzing by. "Hi Billy," she said. "Do you like to fly down by the pond? It’s dangerous down here."

"What? How could it be dangerous? Don’t be so silly. I come down here every day to see my reflection in the water. Just look at me. You’re looking very…orange….today," he sneered.

Doris looked angrily at Billy. "I am orange and I like it that way. I am the same color as the flowers. You’re not very nice. I’m leaving," she said and flew away.

"Good riddance," Billy said. "There’s only room here for one dragonfly."…

Quote by Dr. Seuss:

Today you are You,

that is truer than true.

There is no one alive

who is Youer than You.

Let's Understand the Text

• How does the story connect to the lesson from the Mishna? (What is bad about bragging?) 
• In what ways do we compare ourselves to others? 
• How does comparing yourself to others affect the way you speak? 
• What is something that makes YOU you? 

HAKARAT HATOV - RECOGNIZING GOODNESS

2 IYAR 5771

שמות ז:יט

וַיֹּאמֶר יְהוָה אֶל-מֹשֶׁה, אֱמֹר אֶל-אַהֲרֹן קַח מַטְּךָ וּנְטֵה-יָדְךָ עַל-מֵימֵי מִצְרַיִם עַל-נַהֲרֹתָם עַל-יְאֹרֵיהֶם וְעַל-אַגְמֵיהֶם וְעַל כָּל-מִקְוֵה מֵימֵיהֶם--וְיִהְיוּ-דָם; וְהָיָה דָם בְּכָל-אֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם, וּבָעֵצִים וּבָאֲבָנִים

God says to Moshe – Tell Aaron to take his staff and put it over all the waters of Egypt, and there will be blood…

LET’S UNDERSTAND THE TEXT

• This pasuk describes one of ten plagues that God brought upon Egypt. Which plague is it?
• Which person serves as the messenger of God, and brings the plague onto Egypt?

Read the Rashi below and explain why Moshe did not “do” this plague?

אמור אל אהרן

לפי שהגין היאור על משה כשנשלך לתוכו לפיכך לא לקה על ידו לא בדם ולא בצפרדעים ולקה על ידי אהרן

 

Because the river protected Moshe when he was thrown into it, therefore the water was not hit by his hand – not for the plague of blood nor frogs, rather it was done by the hand of Aaron.

WE SEE HOW EVEN MOSHE IS APPRECIATIVE OF SOMETHING NOT ALIVE, HOW MUCH MORE SO WE SHOULD BE APPRECIATIVE OF THE PEOPLE AROUND US.

HOW CAN WE SHOW APPRECIATION WITH OUR SPEECH?
EVERYONE WRITE A THANK YOU NOTE TO ONE PERSON. CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY AND SPEAK FROM THE HEART.

JUDGING FAVORABLY

1 IYAR, 5771

פרקי אבות: פרק א, משנה ו 

יהושוע בן פרחיה וניתאי הארבלי קיבלו מהם.  יהושוע בן פרחיה אומר, עשה לך רב, וקנה לך חבר; והוי דן את כל האדם   לכף זכות 

                                                                                                                   

Yehoshua son of Perachia and Nittai of Arbel received the transmission from them [the rabbis of Mishna 4]. Yehoshua ben Perachia said, make for yourself a rabbi, acquire for yourself a friend, and judge every person favorably.

Let’s understand the text

• What does the phrase דן לכף mean?
• When have you felt misjudged by another person?
• When have you misjudged a person or situation, and how did you feel when you discovered what really happened?
• How does giving someone the benefit of the doubt relate to being careful with our words?
• How could you give the benefit of the doubt in this situation?

Maybe my friend did not smile at me when she saw me, because...

Look at the following picture. What do you see?

It all depends on your perspective.

Think about it:  How does looking at this picture help you  better understand דן לכף זכות?

Read the following story, and let the students guess the ending. Let them try to be דן לכף זכות:

Reproduced from The Other Side of the Story with special permission from Artscroll Mesorah.

I work as a secretary in a small office. Over the years, I have been given an increasing amount of responsibility and I know my boss, Mr. Green, counts on me. So, when he gave me a project with a two-week deadline, I gave it my best.  On Tuesday, the day before the deadline, my boss left early.  I was sitting at my desk, working feverishly to finish, not even stopping for a cup of coffee, when I realized that I needed to clarify a major point before I could continue.  Although I don’t like to bother Mr. Green at home, this was one of the occasions when I know he would want me to pick up the phone.  I dialed and Mr. Green answered.  

“I’m trying to finish this up, but I ran into a problem. Do you have a minute?”  

“No, I really don’t.”

“Mr. Green- you know they’re coming for this tomorrow. I just need a few minutes of your time. 

 He hardly responded.  As a matter of fact, he didn’t even seem to be listening. I tried again."

“Mr. Green,” I continued, “Without your input, I’m not sure I’ll be able to work through some of this information.  It’ll just take a few minutes.”

“Sorry,” I heard him say. “I can’t.”

Hey, I thought, this is for you, remember?

“Try to figure it out,” he said. And the next second he was no longer on the line.

I did the best I could and went home fuming!

The Ending:

The next morning, still annoyed, I left for work.  I had plenty to say to my boss when I got there.  

As I approached the office, I heard a lot of noise.  When I opened the door, there seemed to be some kind of a celebration.  The secretaries were all sitting around, cakes and drinks on the table, and on the wall there was a big sign:  Mazel Tov!  It took another minute for me to find out that my boss, Mr. Green, had just become a father. The night before, his wife had given birth to a baby boy!

TEFILLA: CONNECTING TO GOD THROUGH PRAYER

30 Nisan 5771

אלהי נצר לשוני מרע ושפתי מרמה ולמקללי נפשי תדום ונפשי כעפר לכל תהיה׃ פתח לבי בתורתך ובמצותיך תרדוף נפשי׃ וכל החושבים עלי רעה מהרה הפר עצתם וקלקל מחשבתם׃ )ברכות ט"ז:-י"ז.(

My G-d, keep my tongue from evil, my lips from guile. Help me ignore those who would insult me. Let my soul be truly humble before all. Open my heart to your Torah and my soul will pursue your commandments. Discourage the plans of those who plot evil against me; speedily destroy their schemes.
(Brachot 16b-17a)

Let's understand the text
We recite this text at the end of the AMIDA.

• What are we asking Hashem to help us with?
• Why do you think this paragraph is at the END of our prayers?
• How might lashon (the way we speak to others) affect our Tefillot and our performance of mitvot (our deeds)? 

Adapted from Rabbi Frand
http://www.torah.org/learning/ravfrand/5764/tazria.html
…We have a long laundry list of requests for G-d -- three times a day, 365 days a year. But so many times, we feel that our prayers are deficient.

If a person has a radio transmitter that he has just smashed with a sledgehammer, he should not be surprised if he turns it on and it does not work properly. "Why doesn't it work? Because he broke it!"

Our mouth is a transmitter. We use it to utter our prayers. If every day, so to speak, we would take a sledgehammer and slam our mouth it might impact the quality of our prayer. If however we use our mouths in positive and constructive ways we will transmit our tefillot to Hashem in a meaningful manner.

Mar bar Ravina (composer of אלקי נשמה ) ended his prayer with the request that his prayers be accepted and desired by G-d. But he prefaced that climax to his prayer with good advice as to how to make one's prayers most effective. The key is having a tongue and lips that are guarded from speaking evil.

Let’s understand the text

• According to Rabbi Frand, how can we make our prayers most effective? 
• What message is Rabbi Frand teaching us about our mouths and our words? 

WE HAVE ONLY ONE MOUTH AND CAN UTTER THE HOLIEST WORDS – PRAYER – AND THE MOST DISGUSTING WORDS – GOSSIP, AND WE MUST MAKE SURE THAT OUR LIPS ONLY UTTER WORDS OF GOODNESS AND HOLINESS.

The Power of the Tongue by N. Abramson
Rabban Gamliel, Nassi (leader) of all the Jews in Israel during the time when the Romans ruled, once said to his trusted servant Tevi, “Go, Tevi, and buy an especially good food.”

Tevi, who was famous for his wisdom as well as his loyalty, soon returned with a package of tongue. Rabban Gamliel smiled and gave Tevi a new mission.

“Now, Tevi, go out and buy something especially bad.”

The clever servant left and soon returned carrying another package. Rabban Gamliel opened it and saw that it too contained tongue.

“Are you making fun of me, Tevi? I sent you for something very good and for something very bad, and both times you brought me the same thing.”

“But, Master, I did just as you asked. When a man’s tongue is used for the right things, there is nothing in the world that can do more good. But when he uses it for wrong, it can be the most dangerous thing in the world.”

Of course, Tevi was right. Every one of us can think of times when someone said just the right thing to us and made us feel as though we are on top of the world. We can also remember times when someone said something cruel, by accident or on purpose, that embarrassed and hurt. Pain like that, pain caused by careless tongue, often lasts long after bruises and cuts that have been healed and forgotten.

• How does this story relate to our Tefillot?

HOW TO LIVE A GOOD LIFE

29 Nisan, 5771

תהלים פרק ל"ד

יב. לְכוּ-בָנִים, שִׁמְעוּ-לִי; יִרְאַת יְהוָה, אֲלַמֶּדְכֶם
יג. מִי-הָאִישׁ, הֶחָפֵץ חַיִּים; אֹהֵב יָמִים, לִרְאוֹת טוֹב
יד. נְצֹר לְשׁוֹנְךָ מֵרָע; וּשְׂפָתֶיךָ, מִדַּבֵּר מִרְמָה
טו. סוּר מֵרָע, וַעֲשֵׂה-טוֹב; בַּקֵּשׁ שָׁלוֹם וְרָדְפֵהוּ

Go child, listen to me and I will teach you Yirat Hashem. Who is the person that desires life ? To love each day and see only goodness.

Guard your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from speaking dishonesty. Turn from evil and do what is good, seek peace and pursue it.

Let’s understand the text
Does enjoying life mean doing whatever you feel like doing?
According to these pesukim in Tehillim, how does one live a good life?

What does this mean for me?
Scenario: It is a rainy day and recess will be inside. Give an example of לראות טוב (seeing the good.) How can you see the good to improve your situation?

Scenario: You received your housing assignment for the Ottowa trip and you were not placed with all of your friends. How can you view this situation לראות טוב? How can your words impact your perspective for the positive and the negative?

Think about it.
How does לראות טוב (seeing the good in a situation) connect to נצור לשונך מרע (guarding your tongue from speaking evil?