Jewish Values
By Rabbi Yehonasan Geffen
In the past weeks we have discussed various commandments that are related to speech, such as lashon hara. Another, less well-known command relating to speech is the prohibition of ‘hurtful words’, (Ona’at Devarim in Hebrew).There is a well-known saying that, “sticks and stones might break my bones but words can never hurt me.” This is not the Torah approach; speech is a very powerful tool that can be used to cause great good or great harm. In a certain way, harmful speech can actually do more damage than causing physical pain because speech can penetrate deep into a person’s inner being. Anyone involved in a long relationship can testify that a few harsh words can be remembered for several years.
There are a number of different forms of Ona’at Devarim. The most obvious is speaking harshly to a person. It is forbidden to speak in such a way that will cause emotional damage to a person. Thus, raising one’s voice, or shouting are forms of speech that are almost always prohibited…
There are times where we may feel it necessary to offer constructive criticism to someone. In order for such criticism to have any chance of its success working it must be said over in a gentle and humble way. People are generally very sensitive to any criticism but if it is done in as unthreatening way then the person is far more likely to accept it. However, when a person feels he is being verbally attacked he will be placed on the defensive and will not accept what he is being told…
Gefen, Rabbi Yehonasan. "Jewish Values: Hurtful Words." Torah.org. Project Genesis, 2008. Web. 18 May 2011.
Let's Understand the Text
- What is Ona’at Devarim?
- What are examples of what it means to speak to someone in a hurtful way?
- If you need to tell someone a criticisim how should you do it?
Class Activity
Those Tear-Me-Apart, Put-Me-Back-Together,
Never-Be-the Same-Again Blues
By Gary Hopkins
Material Needed: One piece of construction paper (brightly-colored paper is best)
Before the lesson: Using craft or construction paper, trace and cut out an outline of a person. To avoid gender- or race-specific figures, you might want to cut the figure from green or blue paper.
Lesson: Gather students in a group and introduce them to their new "classmate. (You might give the figure a name such as Greenie or Bluey to avoid any association with a real person.) Explain that new students often have difficulty fitting in because they are entering a situation where groups of students have already formed bonds of friendship. Point out that some people will automatically put up barriers to a new student, deciding quickly -- without even trying to get to know him or her -- that they dislike the new student.
Ask students to imagine that Greenie (for example) has just come into a classroom where bonds already have formed; the atmosphere is very unwelcoming. Invite students, one at a time, to say something mean to Greenie. They will have to use their imaginations, because Greenie has no specific features they can pick on. The teacher might even start the ball rolling by saying something like "We dont want you here, Greenie, or "We dont like people who are different from us, or "Your hair is a mess, Greenie. Each time a mean thing is said to Greenie, the teacher rips off a piece of Greenie's body and hands it to the person who made the comment.
When ripping, rip large chunks; it will need to be obvious to students where each chunk fits into the whole if they are to piece Greenie back together.
After everyone has had a chance to say something mean to Greenie, its time to start taping Greenie back together. Invite each student who said something mean about Greenie to come up and use tape to reattach his/her piece of Greenie in its proper place. As each piece is reconnected, the student must apologize to Greenie for the mean thing that was said. (You might have younger students model in advance some of the words they might say when making an apology.)
When the torn body is fully repaired -- no matter how hard the students have tried to piece him back together -- Greenie will not look the same as when students met her/him for the first time. Ask questions to lead students to the understanding that, although some of the damage has been repaired, Greenie will never be exactly the same. His feelings were hurt, and the scars remain. Chances are those scars will never go away.
Hang Greenie on a wall as a reminder of the power words have to hurt. Greenies presence will serve as constant reinforcement of a vivid lesson in kindness.
Hopkins, Gary. "Those Tear-Me-Apart, Put-Me-Back-Together, Never-Be-the-Same-Again Blues ." EducationWorld.com. N.p., 01 Oct 2003. Web. 18 May 2011.
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