LASHON HARA PART III

12 IYAR 5771

Adapted From: Chofetz Chaim A Lesson A Day (p. 378)

 Rabbi Shimon Finkelman and Rabbi Yiztachak Berkowitz

Constructive Speaking and Listening

Although speaking about and hearing about others is usually Lashon Hara, in specific circumstances, to protect ourselves or others, it is not considered Lashon Hara . This includes any discussion that could help the listener protect himself from others who plan to harm him, or to protect others from damage about to be inflicted upon them. It is also permissible to listen to information that could be of help in rectifying damage already done to oneself or others. For example: If you hear that a classmate is planning on taking your ipod, you would be permitted to investigate and take precautions. At the same time, you may not take the information as fact. 

In cases such as this, the discussion is not labeled as “gossip”; rather, it is “constructive speech.”

Let's understand the text

• When is listening to information about another person not considered rechilut or lashon hara?
• When investigating a situation that poses potential harm, what must you keep in mind as a safeguard against lashon hara?
• Give some examples of when it is okay to hear information about other people.

  

Let's discuss:

• Why does the Torah allow us to speak about others in certain situations? 
• How does this halacha relate to the tragic death of Gedalya ben Achikam?  
• What are examples of questions that a person seeking a business partner would be allowed to ask (of an honest person who would answer objectively) about the prospective partner? 
• Why does the halacha require that one prefaces his/her question with an explanation of why he/she is asking for the information? 
• Is sharing a disturbing situation such as being bullied considered “constructive speech”? With whom should you share the information?

Think about and discuss these scenarios, which were talked about in the Lower School:

Which scenario below is considered lashon hara and which scenario is considered "constructive speech"? 

Scenario 1

Alex sits next to Jon at lunch. It bothers Alex that Jon chews with his mouth open. Alex speaks to his classmates about it.

Scenario 2

Someone pours water onto Sarah on the bus ride home from school.  It was not a mistake.   Sarah tells her parents what happened when she gets home.

Scenario 3

An 8th grader takes Scott’s baseball glove on the bus, returns it before his stop and tells him that he will take it again in the morning so that he won’t have it for recess. Scott tells his parents what happened when he gets home.

Students in the middle school reflected on these scenarios. Not all the scenarios are black and white - discuss them and think about how to best approach them.

1) Pam sees Jim cheating on a test. She tells...

a. Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Teacher - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. His Parent - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other

2) Sara sees that Rachel is wearing a mismatched outfit. She tells...

a. Rachel - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Rachel's Mom - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other

3) Michael thinks his teacher, Mrs. Smith gave a completely unfair test. He tells..

a. Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Mrs. Smith - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. His Parent - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other Teachers - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

e. Other

4) Sam thinks that Jan has unhealthy study habits and gets over anxious. He tells...

a. Jan - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Other Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Jan's mom - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Teacher - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

e. Other

5) Alex can't stand eating lunch with Jon. It bothers him everyday. He tells...

a. Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Jon - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Teacher - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. His Parent - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

e. Other

6) Aviva doesn't like doing group projects with David. She tells...

a. Friends - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Teacher - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Parent - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other

7) Peter sees his co-worker, Ben, sleeping on the job. He tells...

a. Boss - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Wife - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Other Co-workers - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other

8) Rebecca sees a neighbor shoplifting. She tells...

a. The store owner - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

b. Police - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

c. Her Friend - Lashon Hara or Construction speech? Why?

d. Other